Learning to Let Go
That weekend, Toby asked Graham to teach him how to ride his bicycle.
Nathan had planned to do it after returning home.
Graham took Toby to a quiet neighborhood park. Meredith and Lorraine watched from a nearby bench.
At first, Toby could barely keep the handlebars straight.
“Don’t let go!” he shouted.
“I’m right behind you,” Graham promised.
He ran beside the bicycle, one hand gripping the back of the seat.
Then he quietly released it.
Toby continued pedaling.
For several seconds, he rode completely on his own.
When he realized Graham was no longer holding the bicycle, he stopped too quickly and tumbled onto the grass.
Graham hurried toward him.
But Toby jumped up laughing.
It was not a polite smile or a nervous giggle.
It was a full, joyful laugh that seemed to surprise everyone, including Toby himself.
“I did it! Graham, I really did it!”
“You certainly did.”
Toby looked toward the sky.
“Do you think Dad saw me?”
Graham rested a hand on his shoulder.
“I believe he did.”
Toby ran toward Meredith.
“Mom, I can ride! Graham taught me!”
Meredith hugged him tightly. Over Toby’s shoulder, she mouthed two silent words to Graham.
Thank you.
The Nightmare About Eli
That night, Toby’s nightmare returned.
This time, he was not calling for Nathan.
He was apologizing to someone.
“I’m sorry, Eli! I didn’t mean to take him away!”
Graham rushed into the room.
Toby sat upright, tears covering his face.
“I dreamed about your son,” he said. “He was upset because you’re here with me. I stole his dad.”
Graham sat on the bed and pulled Toby into his arms.
It was the first time he had fully embraced the boy.
“You did not take me from Eli,” he whispered. “Nothing can take me away from him. I carry him everywhere.”
“But you laugh with me now.”
“Eli would be glad about that.”
Toby looked uncertain.
“Really?”
“He was gentle and thoughtful. He always wanted people to feel better. I think he would be proud that you helped me remember how to laugh.”
Toby rested his head against Graham’s chest.
After a long silence, he whispered, “I love you, Graham.”
The words broke through every wall Graham had built around his heart.
He held Toby closer.
“I love you too, buddy.”
Toby fell asleep in his arms.
Graham stayed until morning.
A Place Above the Garage
Meredith was waiting in the kitchen with fresh coffee.
“He loves you,” she said.
Graham sat down.
“I know.”
“That frightens you.”
“More than anything.”
Meredith looked toward the hallway.
“You do not have to become Nathan. No one could. But you could stay as Graham.”
Before he could answer, Lorraine entered wearing her hospital uniform.
“The apartment above my garage is empty,” she announced. “It has a bedroom, a small kitchen, and enough room for your tools.”
Graham stared at her.
“Lorraine, I cannot accept charity.”
“Good, because I am charging rent.”
Meredith smiled for the first time that morning.
Lorraine continued.
“Month to month. No promises about forever. Toby needs stability, and you need somewhere that feels less temporary than a motel.”
Graham looked at Meredith.
Then he looked toward the refrigerator, where Toby had taped a drawing of two motorcycles beneath a bright blue sky.
“I can’t replace his father,” he said again.
Lorraine’s expression softened.
“No one is asking you to. We are asking whether you are willing to become part of his life as yourself.”
Graham moved into the apartment the following week.
