“And after that?”
“Staying gone became easier than admitting I’d destroyed everything.”
“You didn’t destroy everything when you left the house, Carl. You destroyed it every year you chose not to come back.”
He flinched.
“Why did you leave Lily?”
“Every time I looked at her, I saw Emily.”
“That explains your grief. It doesn’t explain abandoning your living daughter.”
His eyes filled.
“I was terrified she’d haveurm it too. I checked whether she was breathing when she slept.”
“So you left me to carry that fear alone.”
“Yes.”
“And Dad told me you came back once.”
Carl nodded.
“He told me to leave.”
“And then?”
“I left.”
“For twelve more years.”
“I know.”
“What stopped you?”
He looked directly at me.
“Me.”
I believed him.
But Lily and I had still paid for his guilt.
“When Lily asked why you weren’t coming home, do you know what I told her?”
He shook his head.
“I told her you were hurting too.”
His eyes filled.
“I protected you while I was furious with you because she had already lost enough.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, Carl. But regret doesn’t raise a child. Letters don’t replace birthdays. And punishing yourself doesn’t make thirteen years disappear.”
He lowered his head.
“What do you want from me?”
“Nothing yet.”
“Lily gets to decide what she wants from you.”
“And you?”
“I’m still deciding whether the man who left me thirteen years ago is someone I want to know again.”
That evening, I gave Lily Carl’s number.
“I met him.”
Her eyes widened.
“You what?”
“I needed answers before I gave you this.”
“Did he give them?”
“Some.”
“And now?”
“Now it’s your choice.”
She looked at the number but didn’t pick up the paper.
